Why?

I feel I have been plunged into a very deep valley from a mountaintop experience. I came back from my further studies hoping to contribute in my work. But why God am I going through this time when no one appreciates my hard work and day in and day out, I feel that I am using my sweat and blood to do my work. I really cannot take it anymore and many times I wonder why I am here. Why am I going through this terrible time and more is expected of me.I need a release from this, I feel like if I have a hole that I can be inside for as long as I want to. Is this a form of escape? So why,
why God am I going through this??
I sense that I have fallen from a high mountaintop and each day is by God's grace. I want to be released from this as soon as possible.
God, please help me. It is only by your grace that I can survive each day. I really don't want to go mad.

Surprise birthday celebration

I remembered a few months ago I prayed to God i would like a different birthday celebration this year and God indeed answered my prayers in a way that I did not expect. On hindsight, although it did not seem to be what I expected it to be. A university girlfriend of mine arranged to meet me and celebrate with me on the actual day for dinner and what was a good surprise was she invited two other un friends whom I did not expect to turn up as well. So, it was indeed a good celebration and catching up with old friends.
Also, a friend of mine bought me lunch and also a book as a present. I really am thankful for this friendship although we have known each other for only a few months but somehow it seemed like I have known this person for a much longer period. I enjoyed the times of sharing and thank God for bringing this person into my life at a timely period. To my dear friend, thanks so much for your time and words of encouragement and of course those times you try to make me laugh with your jokes. I learnt to be less serious and hopefully your humorous nature can rub off me.
I really appreciate the friendships that these friends have given me and I also learnt something about prayer through this.
Often, when I approach God in prayer, I already have an intention of what I may have already want instead of seeking God for His Will. And when I lift up my prayers to God and trust that He will answer them in accordance to His Will. That is something that I realise that indeed if we believe that God is good then we would want to be living in His Will rather than out of His Will.
So may He continue to teach me more and more in learning to pray not in the way I want but to be led by the Holy Spirit even when I do not know how to pray.

Shattered or unrealised dreams and hopes

It is with a heavy heart that I am typing all these. Since my university days and after knowing God, I have always dreamt that one day I will be able to have a wedding inside a church and to see myself married to the guy who loves God and can accept me for who I am, that we can both serve God together in a ministry. I have waited and prayed almost a decade. And all this while, it seems like barreness. As I grow older each year, the hopes seemed to have diminished and dwindled with each passing day. No one else knows the deep struggles I have within. All I am asking and seeking is companionship and a partner who can love me. Is this too much to ask for? As the people around me slowly settle down, I feel the pressure and feel left-out. I thank God for the many blessings He has given me all these years and many things I believe I have control over. But , this area of marriage is absolutely not within my control and I feel frustrated. All these years, I met different kinds of people and learnt many lessons along the way. At the end of the day, I can only say that nothing and no one can fully understand and accept me except God who has made me the person who I am today. I don't know what to do now except to look forward to spend eternity in heaven with God. Marriage is just a gift probably not for me although I desire it. It is a great test for me, maybe I may never see it come to pass. Can I still be able to say and give thanks to God for my situation in my life.
I have decided to only live a life to please God and no one else, to serve God wholeheartedly wherever he places me. not to seek the gift but the giver.
May God help me to do all these. I know I cannot do it in my own strength. I still pray that God can provide a suitable helper for me but there is really nothing I can do at this time.

Poems and words

It is the first time a very dear friend wrote poems to me. I am really appreciative and I kept reading and reading them over and over again. The words of the poems will be deeply engraved in my heart. Thank you for writing those words to encourage and appreciate what I have done. It really spurs me on to want to continue to reach out and bless the people that God has placed in my path. Thank you dear brother for giving me the opportunity to be used by God to bless your life.
Now, although we are far apart, your words that you have written will continue to remain in my heart. Also, I believe the friendship that God has given us will stay strong and stand the test of time.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to learn to bless others with what God has given me. I pray that you will continue to grow closer and closer to our heavenly Father who loves us and desires to give us His best. To my dear brother and friend, you are God's beloved son and He is your Jehovah Provider. He will provide for you just as how He provided for the birds in the sky. So, continue to place your trust in Him and stay faithful, my dear brother and friend.

Travel experiences in the year 2009

I am very thankful for the past 10 months of break where I can fulfil my dream of being overseas and travel to different places and meet different people. I thank God for each one of them and how He has brought them into my path even while I was on holiday. In this blog, I am just going to share some highlights during the past 10 months which is out of Melbourne

Travel experience 1:
The first person I met was in Perth when I was doing on 2 days trips and this person was on the same 2 days trips with me and my friend. I don't believe there is any coincidence and when we were sitting on the coach, he actually asked me what book I was reading and i was reading a Christian book. I felt at that point that I could continue the conversation. Initially,we had difficulties in communicating as he was still trying to learn English as he is working in Perth. Fortunately, my friend can speak a little Japanese and with the little basic Japanese that I know, I also tried to communicate with him. Somehow, our conversation led to discussion about Christianity and he allowed us to share the Gospel with him on the coach. Thank God we did manage to share with him the presentation of the Gospel using the bridge illustration. Although he did not respond immediately to the salvation prayer, I believe that the seed of the Gospel has already been sowed in his heart. We exchanged email addresses and thank God for the invention of facebook, we are still able to keep in touch even though my friend and I left for Melbourne soon after we bid our goodbyes to him. And when i went to Sydney a few months later, I am able to meet up with him again and he is also coming to Singapore in January next year and can continue to build the friendship. Truly, it is really amazing how I can even share the Gospel with someone even on a holiday trip. I really pray that the seed sown in his heart will bear fruit one day and he will come to know God as his personal Lord and saviour. To God be the glory!

Travel experience 2:
I was with 2 friends on a four days trip in Sydney. The trip was very good until we actually missed the flight on our return back to Melbourne. I just could not believe what I heard when we arrived at the check in counter at the airport when the person over the counter told me that we were late and that we had missed our flight. My heart literally almost sank and we had no choice but to go to the airline encounter to see what were our options could be. In the end, we had to pay extra and upgrade to another flight that departs an hour later but the terminal where the airplane was going to land was much further than the original terminal of our original flight. So that means that we had to pay extra to take the shuttle to the city and going to reach home very late. Well, this option was better than the thought of having to stay another night at the airport or even in the hotel at our own expense. Well, amazingly, something interesting happened. I was sitting next to this local guy on the plane and as my friend and I were sharing our "missed flight" story to another lady sitting near us, this local guy actually said, " I am going along the same way, I could give you girls a lift." At that point, it did not occur to me that i should not be taking a lift from a stranger and since there were 3 of us, I reckon that it should not be too dangerous and that guy looked really nice and fatherly. We started chatting with him and he was telling us about him having a son who is a lawyer and a daughter in medical school. When the airplane landed at the airport, he actually waited with us until our luggage arrived and gave us a lift to our apartments which was kind of a detour from his home. We gave him a postcard and wrote down our email addresses, gave it to him and bid farewell to him. Actually, my friend and I were thinking we should have got his namecard or something. Surprisingly, a few days later, he actually emailed us saying, " Thank you for turning what is usually a very boring flight between Sydney and Melbourne into a very pleasant experience.
Thankyou for the kind words and it was my pleasure to give you a lift back home. You are guests in Australia so we should look after you where we can."
I am glad that I met such nice people in a foreign land. Indeed, God is good. If we had not missed our flight, I would not be able to have the chance to meet such a nice person who took the effort to write to us although he is a MD of a company.

Travel Experience 3:
My friend and I were very surprised that only 2 of us were on this day trip we had pre-arranged a month ago before we arrived in NZ. It was a day trip to Mt Cook. The lady tour guide arrived at our hostel to pick us up and her friendly disposition really made me feel welcome in NZ. And I have never been on a day tour with just 2 of us with the tour guide, given the price we paid for it. Indeed God is good. Later on, as the day unfolded and then I kinda of discovered how God can use us to be an instrument of blessing to another person. This lady tour guide was so comfortable talking with us and giving us a tour of the places we have been. Never did I expect that she actually shared with us a glimpse of her life story about how she actually left her abusive husband for 20 years and tried all ways to overcome her sadness. She even told us to be careful and not be involved with bad guys. She even asked us if we had encountered any bad guys in our lives, I told her, " God is our protector, He protects us from harm." It was then that she realised that we are Christians. I felt God is using us to be her listening ears and probably she may feel better after sharing her thoughts with us. It was a very good day tour, I enjoyed the magnificent creation of God- the majestic mountains, clear water and the blue skies. It was as if a beautiful painting of nature unfolded in front of my eyes and the words of the Psalms just came to my mind. God is really an amazing and wonderful creator. I am so in awe of His greatness and majesty. The tour guide even brought us to a salmon pond to feed salmons and took us back to the city on a different route so that we can get to see another part of the country.
God is indeed good. When we arrived back in the hostel, the tour guide gave my friend and I a hug and we also asked for her email address so that we can keep in touch with her and continue to keep her in prayers that she will one day meet God personally and God will touch her life and heal her brokeness.
To God be the glory!

There are just so many things to be thankful to God for in the past 10 months even though I was away from home and away from familiar surroundings. God has provided many people, brothers and sisters in the Lord, friends whom i can share my life with. Bidding farewell is always tough and I did not know that it would be so difficult for me. Thank you Ronald for your kind words in the letter and the poem you composed, Sarah for helping me pack and repack my luggage, Pushpa for helping me to do some last minute clean up of my apartment, Elaine for printing my eticket and boarding pass, finally Krishan for sending me to the airport.
Tears of joy, thankfulness and appreciation welled up in my eyes as I see the plane leave the runway and it was really time for me to bid farewell to a place that used to be so unfamiliar to me but now it holds a special place in my heart.
I pray that all these memories will spur me on towards the challenges and life I have back home.

The end of my adventure in Melbourne

Tonight is the last night I am going to be in Melbourne, a place where i have been for the past 10 months. Indeed, time really flies. I really thank God for the many many blessings He has provided and given me all these months. I thank God for allowing me to complete my degree successfully, for providing me with good health and His protection,the many good friends whom I have made over here, the growth in my spiritual life, my family who has always been supportive of my stay over here.
The past 10 months has really been a memorable phase in my life and for the many beautiful memories God has given me over here.
Thank God for all that you have given me.

Cultivating a heart of surrender

Over the past few months, God has been teaching me alot about the need to surrender and allow Him to come and work in every part of my life: work, ministry, relationships and so on. The process of surrender is not always easy and there are times when I really struggle just as how Jacob struggled with God.
It is during such times that I need His grace and mercy as I continue to pray and see Him at work in the things that I am praying for.
May God grant me His peace and assurance that He is with me although at times, I don't really sense His presence.
His word from Ephesians 3:20 is an encouragement to me today
God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. —Ephesians 3:20
May I truly experience these words being lived out in my life. This is my prayer to God.